What to do when a loved one dies?

 I have a to-do list for Death. What should one do when a loved one dies? Well, first off, acknowledge their presence and now, their absence from your life. Surround yourself with love. Self love, love from other loved ones or even just well wishers. You will need help! Take all the help that is offered. Remember this time. Grief will reduce, pain will subside but never forget the support you received. Never forget the people who were there for you. 

Don't be shy of tears and emotions. Cry as much as you want. It will help you with your grief. 

Go through your loved ones things. Their vlothes, personal belongings. Do not avoid this task. This will help process their absence sooner rather than later. Do not let grief sit and rot. Face it head on! Remember this time of need. And remember to be the support when someone needs you. Be strong with grief. It is coming for everyone. No one can avoid it. Where there is extreme love, there is extreme grief. Today or tomorrow, doesn't matter. 

Think of Death as the ultimate truth, just like birth and breath. It is the end of a journey that started with our birth! It is the destination and there is nothing wrong in reaching your destination. That is the ultimate goal, right? 

Yes, some deaths are painful and pain is scary. But pain is also a lot of mindgame. You might think, someone didn't deserve to die, that their time on Earth wasn't up yet. But we cant say or decide when our journey will end. Death just like birth, is not in our control. We can only control few things, really. Such as taking care of our body to the best of our knowledge, taking care of our mental and financial health. But things can and do go wrong many times. And, that is ok. Life isn't fair, was never fair and never will be. Life is just life! It is a mixed bag of treats. 

What remains is your love

 I know you are gone.

Gone, never to return!

But I am here,

living, breathing, surviving 

I am lucky to have him still,

Him and him and him. (Husband, Brother and Father)

These men are now my paulbearers.

Paulbearers of what's left of my soul and heart.

They will help me carry on,

until the next one falls.

Hopefully, by then, I'll be over grief. 

Grief and Death, will not be a shock anymore.

I am numb to shock.

Numb to this pain. 

I know, it is possible.

You are gone,

but what remains is your love.

Your love is in me.

I grew up, happy and secure.

I can adult because of love.

Thank you for being a loving person.

I never realised, your greatest gift was 

Your Love to me!

Grief!

 I am not scared of dying,

of Death per say.

The trauma leading to it scares me.

But I know, I'll be ok.

I started bit of Yoga now.

To keep my body alive and well.

To make Death easier as well.

Grief has taken a new form, Mother

I miss you everyday but tears don't bother.

Sometimes, it hits me,

how you suddenly disappeared in front of my eyes.

How I don't hear your voice or laughter

or don't see the twinkle in your eyes.

And now the tears come, Mother

I still miss you.

But there is no emptiness in my heart anymore.

I just have the Death ripper looming around me

constantly reminding me,

that it is coming

Any moment, anyone can be gone.

To hold what is dear even tighter.

Some days I am at peace with you gone.

You won't see more horrors of the living,

of people dying everyday.

Before they truly die one day.

My Father

 I barely talk to you

'Cause, we don't chat much anyway.

I don't see your love in words and long conversations.

But now, that mum is gone, I see it

I see your love in how you take care of the little things

How you make sure, everything is spick and span

How the clothes are ironed right

or the water is filled

or there is milk in the fridge.

I see how you take care of the little things around the house.

You were always the caring horse,

that loved through actions

but could never talk

The one that was born with a stunted mouth

I miss my childhood family unit

I miss being a child

I love you, Dad

And Sorry, we could never talk. 

This love was never meant to be the regular way. 

You did not prepare me

You did not prepare me for this. 

This vacuum around your name

I fumble to call out, mummy. 

I don't know how to deal with this nothingness. 

This death surrounding us all. 

Waiting by the door, 

Keeping a tab on when the time is up. 

The one thing we can never control,

Is when death will embrace us. 

You did not prepare me for your loss.

For the what will be without your smile or sound.

For where will I look for advice,

What will I do without you.

I did not know,

how deeply I loved you.

Until you were gone!

I want to think about Death

 I want to think about Death.

Almost all the time,

a constant reminder that

it is lurking around the corner.

Waiting to show itself when

it feels fit. 

I want to think about Death.

In times, when I feel greedy,

In times, when I laugh

Every morning,

is a constant reminder of Death.

Of my Mum gone

And many others that die everyday. 

It hits different on some days.

Today, I am nauseous.

Yesterday, I was disgusted with myself. 

Thought of Death, hits different everyday.

Don't look Forward to

I don't look forward to

Those morning sunrises anymore. 

Each day ahead, is a day less with you. 

I dread going back home, Dad

'Cause that's far for you. 

But my Life is there, 

With him beside me. 

I don't look forward to

Those morning sunrises anymore. 

'Cause I dread what turn your Health will take, Love.

I'm scared to count the possible sunrises with you. 

I want to sleep beside you forever and ever.