What remains is your love

 I know you are gone.

Gone, never to return!

But I am here,

living, breathing, surviving 

I am lucky to have him still,

Him and him and him. (Husband, Brother and Father)

These men are now my paulbearers.

Paulbearers of what's left of my soul and heart.

They will help me carry on,

until the next one falls.

Hopefully, by then, I'll be over grief. 

Grief and Death, will not be a shock anymore.

I am numb to shock.

Numb to this pain. 

I know, it is possible.

You are gone,

but what remains is your love.

Your love is in me.

I grew up, happy and secure.

I can adult because of love.

Thank you for being a loving person.

I never realised, your greatest gift was 

Your Love to me!

Grief!

 I am not scared of dying,

of Death per say.

The trauma leading to it scares me.

But I know, I'll be ok.

I started bit of Yoga now.

To keep my body alive and well.

To make Death easier as well.

Grief has taken a new form, Mother

I miss you everyday but tears don't bother.

Sometimes, it hits me,

how you suddenly disappeared in front of my eyes.

How I don't hear your voice or laughter

or don't see the twinkle in your eyes.

And now the tears come, Mother

I still miss you.

But there is no emptiness in my heart anymore.

I just have the Death ripper looming around me

constantly reminding me,

that it is coming

Any moment, anyone can be gone.

To hold what is dear even tighter.

Some days I am at peace with you gone.

You won't see more horrors of the living,

of people dying everyday.

Before they truly die one day.