Deep as this night darkens

Going by my husband's request to write travel blogs with a very sympathetic face,  I have got this urge to pen down some thoughts. 

Deep as this night darkens, 

My thoughts plunge within my mind. 

In the quietness of the moment, 

true thoughts are born. 

I struggle to write my travels, 

but verses come easy to me. 

Verses are my companion 

For the lonely days and nights. 

They keep me safe from the beast of empty (negative) thoughts 

They hold my hand and take me to a world far away from 

Imaginary sounds and images. 

No blackness of thoughts can touch me when you are with me. 

The other world is far away from here. 

This is me speaking to my inner core

My mind is pouring its thoughts on a bright screen. 

A screen that will soon transfer my thoughts to the wider world. 

And strike a chord somewhere with someone, one day I hope. 

As I lay in my bed 

Deep in my thoughts 

I'm forced to close my eyes 

To gather my stream of consciousness. 

I see the tricks you play. 

I'm lulled to sleep 

Yet i wake up on the edge 

Only to dive in again. 

(Posting today but has been in my draft since 2019)

Moonlight

Beautiful moon light shines through my window,
moon rays shining on my smile.
A hope this moonlight gives me,

darkness is incomplete.
The rays pierce my eyes,
and angels walk down the moonriver path.
As I drift into my sleep,
Moon is ready to kiss me goodbye.
To greet another world, another window,
Awaiting it's turn.
Soon my window shall be dark
And I'll close my eyes.
I stay awake to catch the last glimmer of moon at the corner of my window,
before I close my eyes
Counting my stars as I see the moon every night.

Waiting

The long wait has begun. As I wait every month for the final verdict to come on our paperwork, it makes me think so intensely inward. I am obsessed to know my future, is it bleak, is it bright? Am I happy in the picture of tomorrow?
It's strange how every moment can be so captivating. Funny that I'm manically searching astrology predictions everyday, half believing them.
The surface seems so calm, so unperturbed. But there is a great battle waging inside. I have let go of my body, my diet and my mind. It is so easy to fall back on past habits. Mindless acts have become the norm. My to-do list is ever increasing. My skills are depleting. Mind is forgetting words. It's like I'm suddenly ageing at a rapid pace. There are days when I'm stuck in a mindless cycle of rising from the bed, watching reruns of popular sitcoms and stuffing my mouth with whatever I get my hands on.
I know it's wrong. All these little acts are reflecting on my body, my mind and my speech. The excitement of changing base is combined with a gripping fear of being left out of the race. The race to excel, make my own name. I question my principles, my thought process and my dreams. I wasn't meant to be like this. A younger me had long before promised that I will not remain like this. I was suppose to have changed and for the better. But today I feel like a bloated blob. I won't give up, that's for sure. But I feel stuck to even put up a fight.
I'm writing frequently. That's the only positive I see these days. Writing is the best thing in the world to me today. It is like letting out steam. I fearlessly and shamelessly write down my thoughts, my mental and physical condition. I'm in a very bad shape right now but I don't want to be stuck here. I want to grow, feel beautiful again. Pick up my pieces and paint a bright picture for myself.
I have hope, lots and lots of hope. I know my gloom is temporary. I am in passing. But I'm permanently damaging my beautiful body and in the process damaging my confidence. It's difficult to stay on track.