Waiting

The long wait has begun. As I wait every month for the final verdict to come on our paperwork, it makes me think so intensely inward. I am obsessed to know my future, is it bleak, is it bright? Am I happy in the picture of tomorrow?
It's strange how every moment can be so captivating. Funny that I'm manically searching astrology predictions everyday, half believing them.
The surface seems so calm, so unperturbed. But there is a great battle waging inside. I have let go of my body, my diet and my mind. It is so easy to fall back on past habits. Mindless acts have become the norm. My to-do list is ever increasing. My skills are depleting. Mind is forgetting words. It's like I'm suddenly ageing at a rapid pace. There are days when I'm stuck in a mindless cycle of rising from the bed, watching reruns of popular sitcoms and stuffing my mouth with whatever I get my hands on.
I know it's wrong. All these little acts are reflecting on my body, my mind and my speech. The excitement of changing base is combined with a gripping fear of being left out of the race. The race to excel, make my own name. I question my principles, my thought process and my dreams. I wasn't meant to be like this. A younger me had long before promised that I will not remain like this. I was suppose to have changed and for the better. But today I feel like a bloated blob. I won't give up, that's for sure. But I feel stuck to even put up a fight.
I'm writing frequently. That's the only positive I see these days. Writing is the best thing in the world to me today. It is like letting out steam. I fearlessly and shamelessly write down my thoughts, my mental and physical condition. I'm in a very bad shape right now but I don't want to be stuck here. I want to grow, feel beautiful again. Pick up my pieces and paint a bright picture for myself.
I have hope, lots and lots of hope. I know my gloom is temporary. I am in passing. But I'm permanently damaging my beautiful body and in the process damaging my confidence. It's difficult to stay on track. 

That Sunday Morning

That Sunday morning 

a morning I woke up 

full of promises. 

Promises of love and kisses

A future as a Mrs 

That Sunday morning

I woke up thinking 

Of all the Sundays I have with you 

Of the bond we share 

Of the love we shall make

That Sunday morning, 

a lazy nakedness snuggles me onto bed

A morning where I fear nothing, 

Nothing bad could happen to me. 

That Sunday morning, 

a morning long gone 

a morning I longingly await. 

I wait for ye. 

Living every day of my life

So this is a short verse I wrote as I celebrate World Poetry Day.

Living through everyday

Waking and living every minute of my life

Conscious my being

Conscious of the people surrounding me

The sound of the bubbling chai

I am aware of my happiness

Happiness of being surrounded by my loved ones

Happiness of having you around me

Touch of your skin

Your lips caressing me

I am aware of my happiness

I am happy being me

I know, I know

How you despise 

Whipping eggs and cheese for me

Humming away in your honest man's sweat in our tiny kitchenette

But you still do it

Dear Husband

You do it for me

Breaking my mental barriers

Breaking your physical boundaries

I love this little world of ours

Swearing and sweating our time on Earth

This is love

And this is happiness

I am aware of my happiness

I am happy being me.

Pangong Tso

After a long break it was good to see unexplored, pristine mountains. Pangong Tso, a place open to tourists only for six months, teaches you that nature's beauty lies in its naturalness. Such unspoiled crystal clear water, it's hard to imagine that this lake turns into a long sheet of ice during winters. That the only humans seen here during winters are the villagers who pack their food supplies beforehand like ants. Behind the mountains I can only imagine the Chinese border that holds two thirds of this beautiful lake. Visit to such miraculous places makes life worth living. I think travelling is the best anti-depressant. I am fortunate to experience the beauties of Earth and understand their worth because I am a human being. A stay at Pangong Tso is a must for every tourist visiting Ladakh. It makes up for the entire rough ride. The colour changing waters of Pangong Tso are magical to the eyes of a Mumbaikar and having no network connection is the best part. This place brings out the philosopher in you.
If you are the types who prefers quiet time admiring nature's beauty then a stay at Pangong Retreat Camp is the best bet. Otherwise the more common and popular option is Martsemik Camp. The distance between the two is 20 kilometers and a rough road.