Living everyday

Dressing up is an effort
Stepping out of the door is an effort
Looking after myself is an effort.
He says, "you don't love yourself" "you don't love me"
I stay quiet but inside I think it could be true.
I like the numbness. Like not feeling any thing. Food is comforting, comfort eating is what it is.
Sometimes you are just tired of fighting.
Fighting to be a better version of yourself everyday.
When you see people around you striding away.
Forward and onwards they march.
You are standing still, like a mute spectator.
Just dreaming of a better future.
Awaiting the good things to come.
Why do I always see the blackness around me?
Darkness is all I see.
Thin air, nothing to look at for me.
Even someone reading this would give me hope.
Living light after light,
Hope keeps me alive.

Moonlight

Beautiful moon light shines through my window,
moon rays shining on my smile.
A hope this moonlight gives me,

darkness is incomplete.
The rays pierce my eyes,
and angels walk down the moonriver path.
As I drift into my sleep,
Moon is ready to kiss me goodbye.
To greet another world, another window,
Awaiting it's turn.
Soon my window shall be dark
And I'll close my eyes.
I stay awake to catch the last glimmer of moon at the corner of my window,
before I close my eyes
Counting my stars as I see the moon every night.

Blurred

As the Sun goes down,
My mind is a blur.
Trapped in the blur,
Yet I'm free.
Free to choose my own way.
Blurred, blurred is my vision,
But my heart has set its eyes
On the destination.

Ghost

When I go to sleep, your ghost haunts me,
It's all the same when I'm awake.
Miles away, I'm in my mother's arms.
But you continue to be besides me.
I see you everywhere, you never left the space next to me.
I see the connection,
The chain is still unbroken.

Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?
Oh baby, please please do tell me.
Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?

The sea in my mind keeps me afloat.
I wish for those beautiful days afore.
I love this feeling inside myself,
The beauty I see in you, I see everywhere.
Thank you love, for giving me the visions,
Hoping they will last me a lifetime,
I wish you all the good luck of your time.

Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?
Oh baby, please please do tell me.
Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?

Lost in the spaces

I guess I lost you,
In the spaces between us.
The wait increases everyday,
Each passing moment widened the gap today.
I see you from far away,
Waving to have the final say.
Nothing works, nothing stops you
From smudging my heart away.
Tears roll down in misery,
Fading memories flicker strongly,
Like the last light of an old candle.
You created the space between us,
To protect your inner space.
I destroyed myself,
In search for peace with you.
There is a war within me,
Your ghost follows me everywhere.
I hope you get my peace,
Now that I have your war.

The piano player

As the keys click on the piano,
I feel your touch on them.
Every sound every sigh reminds me of your presence.
It sounds like a heartbeat,
A sad song from the dead.
In a parallel world,
I'm sitting besides you
Writing a song.
The lyrics are unclear.
It is not a love song, not yet.
I write about new beginnings
And sad endings.
I see you looking at me,
As you play the key.
The light has filled the room
And there is silence on the Chapel Lane.
We shall stop making music now.
The dream is lost
Your face fades away,
As I wake up from my sleep.
Lyrics make sense now,
It's a love song with a sad end.
The key matches my note,
To be together we were never meant.

Moving On

And we continue to lead these independent lives
Seemingly erasing our past away.
We go on dreaming,
imagining like there was no yesterday.
We are lost among the millions of Christmas lights.
The speed of time takes us far away from our memories and plight.
Is this what they say to wither away?
One day you are a smiling green,
then you turn a happy red and alas,
The paleness sets in.
I seek peace in the warm coffee,
In my chaos, I search for order.
Happiness is far away.
I shall fill my life with things that give you meaning.
But it will remain empty.
I try to make sense of every word we spoke,
but a mystery it remains.
I shall put the pen down,
One final time.
When my mind stops speaking.
It is going to take a while.