Wednesday 19 December 2018

Blurred

As the Sun goes down,
My mind is a blur.
Trapped in the blur,
Yet I'm free.
Free to choose my own way.
Blurred, blurred is my vision,
But my heart has set its eyes
On the destination.

Saturday 8 December 2018

Ghost

When I go to sleep, your ghost haunts me,
It's all the same when I'm awake.
Miles away, I'm in my mother's arms.
But you continue to be besides me.
I see you everywhere, you never left the space next to me.
I see the connection,
The chain is still unbroken.

Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?
Oh baby, please please do tell me.
Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?

The sea in my mind keeps me afloat.
I wish for those beautiful days afore.
I love this feeling inside myself,
The beauty I see in you, I see everywhere.
Thank you love, for giving me the visions,
Hoping they will last me a lifetime,
I wish you all the good luck of your time.

Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?
Oh baby, please please do tell me.
Is this love or is this just a karmic connection?

Monday 26 November 2018

Lost in the spaces

I guess I lost you,
In the spaces between us.
The wait increases everyday,
Each passing moment widened the gap today.
I see you from far away,
Waving to have the final say.
Nothing works, nothing stops you
From smudging my heart away.
Tears roll down in misery,
Fading memories flicker strongly,
Like the last light of an old candle.
You created the space between us,
To protect your inner space.
I destroyed myself,
In search for peace with you.
There is a war within me,
Your ghost follows me everywhere.
I hope you get my peace,
Now that I have your war.

Tuesday 20 November 2018

The piano player

As the keys click on the piano,
I feel your touch on them.
Every sound every sigh reminds me of your presence.
It sounds like a heartbeat,
A sad song from the dead.
In a parallel world,
I'm sitting besides you
Writing a song.
The lyrics are unclear.
It is not a love song, not yet.
I write about new beginnings
And sad endings.
I see you looking at me,
As you play the key.
The light has filled the room
And there is silence on the Chapel Lane.
We shall stop making music now.
The dream is lost
Your face fades away,
As I wake up from my sleep.
Lyrics make sense now,
It's a love song with a sad end.
The key matches my note,
To be together we were never meant.

Tuesday 13 November 2018

Moving On

And we continue to lead these independent lives
Seemingly erasing our past away.
We go on dreaming,
imagining like there was no yesterday.
We are lost among the millions of Christmas lights.
The speed of time takes us far away from our memories and plight.
Is this what they say to wither away?
One day you are a smiling green,
then you turn a happy red and alas,
The paleness sets in.
I seek peace in the warm coffee,
In my chaos, I search for order.
Happiness is far away.
I shall fill my life with things that give you meaning.
But it will remain empty.
I try to make sense of every word we spoke,
but a mystery it remains.
I shall put the pen down,
One final time.
When my mind stops speaking.
It is going to take a while.

Friday 9 November 2018

Slowing down

I'm getting tired of running,
Trying to catch the butterfly.
It's too fast, too ignorant of my presence.
It's raining out here
Pouring everyday
Washing my patience away.
I don't know how long it 'll last.
How long can I hold on?
Do I really have to move on?
Such a waste of an emotion.
I truly felt there was a deep connection.
I felt like I knew everything you said and didn't say.
But it now seems a big facade.
A lie just to pass the time.
To make your time worth the while.
Maybe it was in my destiny
To learn the lessons I refuse to read.
The butterflies shall hit me again.

I Miss You


Ever felt like wondering
Where you stand today and where are you headed?
I feel like I'm walking alone
No excitement no direction
Everything is still and quiet
I hear the sound of the needles moving
Every minute every tick and tock
Feels like there is a pit in my chest.
An emptiness crawls out every night I go to bed.
This isn't a seasonal SAD.
This is a fundamental change.
I see a helpless fight within me
I want to rush to my castle within me
The darkness and cold outside doesn't bother me
I feel cold within me.
I feel lonely yet I'm not.
I need your hand,
Your presence betrays me.
I have no rhyme scheme to match my feelings.
I miss you,
It's as simple as that!

Friday 2 November 2018

Memories fade away

Time catches on,
Memories fade away
Each passing day, we forget the yesterday
I try to hold on but I have to let go.
Since you do not catch on
I have to let go
Of the sweet sunsets
The memories
What a waste!
Of feelings I felt, of the time I spent with you.
I knew this day would come
I knew you would turn away
Hence I made so many memories.
But it's hard to let go.
Let go of you and your memories
If I latch on, you will explode
So I have to let go
And the sweet memories remain so.
In a corner of my mind.
Such a sad waste of feelings of this kind.

Tuesday 30 October 2018

That Autumn Love

Sun is shining,
There's colour on your face.
That Autumn love was special.
I still remember the phase.
Parks are still green,
The wind is cool.
Time is a whirlwind.
It could have been beautiful,
had the years changed.
I remember the nights,
the places, the sounds.
The Sun is still there,
But the warmth is gone.
The silken touch of the evenings is no more.
It's cold, very cold and pitch black.
I see no sound, hear no wind.
Only dark empty nights to fill in.
Time doesn't matter anymore,
Corridors are empty.
I remember your presence,
Your feet touching the ground.
The laughter and the sound.

Wednesday 22 August 2018

Conversations with a stranger

I see you boy,
Smiling and giggling with other girls.
Looking around, wondering just like me
What are these people like?
How do they live and survive?
What is their story?
I want to hear your story, oh boy.
Tell me where you come from.
Does your mamma like your work?
Did you study hard at school?
I'm a dreamer and get curious every day.
I step into your shoes and imagine,
Where are you going, where do you want to be.
Do you think the same?
Smile on and get on with life.
You are in a happy place right now.
I hope so!

Sunday 19 August 2018

Sea of poppies

Red is the colour I see,
I see no tear no blood differently.
The sea of poppies forever remain,
Sadness I feel for thee.
Great wars you all fought,
For our motherland, our peace and our children.
We stand here today to thank you,
As you lay deep-under resting today.
Fought you did for the world we have today.
Divided yet united in pain we cry today.
The tears come for different mothers,
Yet peace is what we seek every day.
You fought in the great wars,
We fight the great war within, today.
Every child, in every time
Feels the pain.
The sea of poppies remains the same.

Wednesday 25 July 2018

Touching lives

Somewhere I read about a man's death.
Seemingly insignificant was his life as one looked.
But hundreds mourned his death,
he had touched a cord somewhere with them.
He made their student hostel life a little more jolly and colourful.
Milon da was no more.
I did not know him.
Apparently, cancer took him away.
Students from Jadhavpur University were sad today.
They missed their Milon da.
They missed his food, his stories, his smiling face.
He touched their lives.
Millions of people touch our lives.
We humans make memories.
And in the end that's what we remain.
Dust and memories.
Remember the Milon da of your life,
before death takes them away.

Thursday 28 June 2018

Sunshine



Sunshine is not far away.
Rays break through the darkness,
the crown shines under the sunshine.

When you are losing hope,
the rays will see you through.

Take a walk in the park,
your mind will find its way through.
Continue to dream my friend,
Ov'r there rests your destiny.

Remember the time,
today was a dream, yesterday.
The darkness looms large,
it's grippin' my fear.

When you are losing hope,
the rays will see you through.

Thursday 19 April 2018

Badlaav

Pakki dhoop subah ka rukh dekh rahi thi,
Kuch kaagaz, kuch samaan nikaale maine us bag se.
Aaj badlaav ka din hai, theharaav ka darr hai mujhe.
Par waqt badalta rahega. Is samay ke peeche bhi ek badlaav tha.
Insaan baahri badlaav se itna darta kyun hai?
Hawa, paani, baadal, sab badalte hi toh rehte hai.
Sab kuch thehera hua sa lagta hai par aandhi toh aane waali hai.
Main bhi badal rahi hu, main badal chuki hu.

Saturday 7 April 2018

Waiting

The long wait has begun. As I wait every month for the final verdict to come on our paperwork, it makes me think so intensely inward. I am obsessed to know my future, is it bleak, is it bright? Am I happy in the picture of tomorrow?
It's strange how every moment can be so captivating. Funny that I'm manically searching astrology predictions everyday, half believing them.
The surface seems so calm, so unperturbed. But there is a great battle waging inside. I have let go of my body, my diet and my mind. It is so easy to fall back on past habits. Mindless acts have become the norm. My to-do list is ever increasing. My skills are depleting. Mind is forgetting words. It's like I'm suddenly ageing at a rapid pace. There are days when I'm stuck in a mindless cycle of rising from the bed, watching reruns of popular sitcoms and stuffing my mouth with whatever I get my hands on.
I know it's wrong. All these little acts are reflecting on my body, my mind and my speech. The excitement of changing base is combined with a gripping fear of being left out of the race. The race to excel, make my own name. I question my principles, my thought process and my dreams. I wasn't meant to be like this. A younger me had long before promised that I will not remain like this. I was suppose to have changed and for the better. But today I feel like a bloated blob. I won't give up, that's for sure. But I feel stuck to even put up a fight.
I'm writing frequently. That's the only positive I see these days. Writing is the best thing in the world to me today. It is like letting out steam. I fearlessly and shamelessly write down my thoughts, my mental and physical condition. I'm in a very bad shape right now but I don't want to be stuck here. I want to grow, feel beautiful again. Pick up my pieces and paint a bright picture for myself.
I have hope, lots and lots of hope. I know my gloom is temporary. I am in passing. But I'm permanently damaging my beautiful body and in the process damaging my confidence. It's difficult to stay on track. On track of good health of mind and body and soul.
Nothing is wrong with me but everything is wrong inside. I need to let go of those fears. Fear of an insecure future, fear of a being a misfit.
I'm aware with past experiences as a good proof that life is a constant battle. You need to rise and shine everyday. Get up and show up everyday.
I'm searching for my inner strength. Maybe writing everyday will help. Maybe this entire process will bring out the beautiful me. A shinier and brighter me.
I know that the best awaits me. I just need to hold on and wait. It's always a mind over matter game. I need to take everyday as it comes. I need to show up calm even though I'm desperate to see the results. Even though I am in midst of a storm.
Paperwork will come when it's meant to. Everything will happen when it's meant to.
How is it that my words are so powerfully positive even though the mind that speaks it is so fearful and glum?
I think, I speak and I live every single day, mentally trying to break my shackles in the process.
Destiny, I'm your child. I open my arms to be received by you. I won't break. I shall heal my cracks. I shall rise and shine.

"Shine bright like a Diamond. Shine bright like a Diamond. Find light in the beautiful sea, I choose to be happy. We are like diamonds in the sky." Rihanna

Wednesday 21 March 2018

Under the Italian Sun



Living a dream,
Hopping onto the plane to a wonderful place.
Dhanashree, you are going to a magical land,
It’s time to make memories,
Time to eat and lose the mental flab.
Pizzas and Pasta, Collosums and Towers await you
Spread your wings,
Embrace the change
You asked the heavens and destiny lent a hand
Grow, learn and run wild and free.
Buon Viaggio!
To greener pastures, a new sky
Unexplored roads.
New sunshine to lit your face
Dhanashree, you are onto a unique journey


Tuesday 20 March 2018

Journey of happiness

Deep down it will hurt,
When I will look back at my life.
Because it is my own ambitious mind
That speaks to me.
It is my own illusional greatness that questions my existence.
You are a mere catalyst, dear love.
For it is I who seeks my own fame.

It is I who is repulsed by mediocrity yet
thrives in it.
I am my own critic.
That's the thing with disillusioned, ambitious people.
I don't know what I seek.
But I am sure to arrive one day.

Spending countless hours reading the inner workings of their minds.
Sorting, analysing every word,
every action.
Always wondering, what is it the mind speaks that words don't let out.
Sorry are the souls who seek happiness
In arriving not knowing the route to embark upon.
I'll be picking up my small pieces of big ambition now.
Promising to start my journey.
Destination will find itself,
All roads come to their end.
Along the way, I shall seek happiness.
Thriving in the journey, not awaiting my place.
As one day when my being is kissed by ashes, my soul will smile with serenity.

Sunday 11 March 2018

महीने के वह दिन...



सैलाब एक उमड़ आता है दर्द का,

नैनों से मोती बरसते रहे

वह ना समझ पाए मेरी इस टिस को,

ना मैं उन्हें कुछ कह पाउ।

बस एक कोना देदो अपने दिल में,

सिमट  के  रहने  दो मुझे उधर।

बुलंद है आज भी यह आवाज़,

कुछ दिन चुप रहने दो मुझे। 

महीने के वह दिन,

आँसू बहने दो मेरे।

Monday 1 January 2018

Evergreen Mother, Forever Alive


Right since I was born, 
I have been hearing stories about your gallantry. 
Right since my mother was a small child, 
Till my aunt got married
You were the tree whose roots were spread far and wide. 
You were the visionary 

पतझड़ में भी फुल उगाने वाली, 
जड़ों से बड़ी लटें उगाने वाली। 
'माँ' यह नाम रौशन किया तूने,
 अपनी ज़िन्दगी को निसार किया तूने।
 दुःख सुःख में अंतर भूल के,
 बस अपने पथ पर चलती चली।
तेरी लटें आज फैली है पूरी दुनिया में,
तूने सिखाई सीख सबको।
अपने कन्धों पर सबको बड़ा करके,
आज उन्हीं के चार कन्धों पर चली गई तु।
दुःखों का पहाड़ अगर यह परिभाषा सच में है,
तो माँ तूने हिमालय देखा इस जीवन में है।
घर बार ऎसे चलाती रही,
जैसे कहीं कोई कमी नहीं है। 

हे माँ, तुझे शत शत नमन। 
   


(In loving memory of my maternal grandmother)